3 Tips To Get Your Middle Schooler To Talk
By Middle School Mommer Kim Caifano
To watch or listen to the YouTube teaching click here.
Our middle schooler leans toward the talkative side in non-stressful seasons. But when school and activities kick in high gear, we get nothing more than “my day was fine” or “I ate a chocolate chip muffin in the cafeteria today.”
I don’t buy the lie that tweens and teens don’t talk. I guarantee your son or daughter is talking to someone, and as parents, boy, we better be one of those people hearing what’s going on in their world.
While your middle schooler may never be chatty, per se, they do have things going on in their hearts and minds, so I shared three practical tips that help to get your middle schooler to open up and begin talking in my recent YouTube video.
Here’s a recap:
Set a consistent time every week. My husband began to initiate a regular time to whisk our son away for an hour. Every single Sunday at 10:30 Marc and Dylan would go to our downtown area, order a pastry, and talk.
At first, our son had little to say. But once he began to realize this was going to be a regular part of life he began to “store up” questions for dad, and the conversations got more and more authentic.
There is something about that predictability that helps. When they KNOW they are going to get that time with mom or dad, they will have stuff ready for you, and I assure you conversations will go much better than if you hit them with the usual “how was your day?” thing after school.
And if you’re saying, “We are too busy for this!” and you cannot imagine an hour a week, I understand, truly. There are still creative ways to go about it though - get away during a quiet inning at a sibling’s ball game and go for a walk, invite them to the counter as you prep dinner, just the two of you.
It doesn’t have to be a big outing, just something consistent that ensures they'll get your listening ear each week. 👂🏼
Take a deeper dive by reading my article “5 Ways To Connect With Your Child Amidst A Busy Schedule.”
Discover when their “talking time” is. Do you have an after-school talker? An evening talker? A talker who will open up while you’re doing an activity?
Start paying attention to this aspect. Some kids come home from school and need to unload emotionally. For others, the LAST thing they want to do is rehash their day. They just went through a day of middle school, ya’ll. That is some tough stuff. Please give them their space.
See if they’ll open up as you say goodnight to them. Or as you do something together - playing catch or baking or whatever they (and you) enjoy.
Put intentionality into the relationship. Our children will never open up to us if we aren’t intentional about seeking them out, wanting to get to know them, showing them we genuinely care.
If all of life is working (for the parents) and school and activities (for the kids) and there is never anything else, don’t expect too much to come pouring out from their mouths and hearts. Make a point to incorporate fun into their weekends and school breaks, laugh with them, not have every conversation be about what they need to do next.
Establish a RELATIONSHIP with your middle schooler, and if you don’t know how to do that, I understand. It’s why I’ve built this entire brand. To guide you through a genuine connection and relationship with your tween or teen.
For now, just start by asking if you can hang with them - watch a show you both laugh at, take them to a sporting event, host their friends for a make-your-own-pizza night, ask them to go for ice cream with you. Regular habits like that will lead toward genuine connection and ultimately - your child opening up a little more.
Give these tips a little time to get used to, and reach out to me if something’s not quite working. 😉
In the meantime, the full teaching video can be found here: