"The Overwhelmed Mom: 5 Steps You Can Take To Improve Your Quality of Life" - Transcript

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Hello and welcome to the Middle School Mommer. If you are new to my channel, this is about both parenting insights— so both moms and dads tune in— but also just talking to the mom and where she’s at in this stage of life because this stage looks a lot different than previous stages of parenting. So, that’s obviously what today’s topic is going to be about: the overwhelmed mom and five steps you can take to improve your overall quality of life. I am sharing this because I sense it to be a very common theme for moms in the middle years of parenting. I also sense, in regard to the overwhelm, for it to be pretty consistent with the reasons why: parenting issues with your child, marriage matters, increased career pressures, busier schedules, less time to get things done at home, health issues (whether that is you or a family member), or COVID-related issues still.

I also want to point out that as time goes on, we know more people and have more friends and acquaintances. What that means is that we have more news coming our way, more hardship, and more tough stuff to navigate. The older we get, the more that comes at us and we have to figure out how to handle all of that. It does affect us. If you are a woman, you are feeling the things, right? I know I could name a few others, but those are the heavy hitters as far as the reasons for the overwhelm pretty consistently. 

Step #1:

So, I recently found myself in a season where I was utterly overwhelmed and full of anxiety. I was waking up everyday with what is described as the “pit in the stomach”. I literally thought there was a pit in my stomach and it went on for quite a while. So, I took some time to really process and talk things through with my husband and tried to figure out what was causing the problem. 

My first piece of advice for you is to identify the issue. That might sound so simple, but honestly until you do, you are not really going to get anywhere as far as helping yourself. For me, it took around two or three weeks to observe how I was feeling about a certain matter that came into my life or another issue would pop up and I would be like “oh, that just affected me.” I kind of identified that I was really taking on everybody else’s emotions in the family in regard to their health issues. It was really weighing heavily on me. 

In addition, my workload was really intense and I was just being really unreasonable about it and what my expectations were for myself. And then, the full days of parenting on top of the workload was all getting a little too much for me. To wrap up that point, it starts with identifying what it is that is making me feel so anxious and overwhelmed. 

Step #2:

Secondly, seek out community. You know this is coming if you’ve stayed with me for any amount of time: you are not alone. I think one of the biggest lies that middle school moms believe is that they are the only one. Like, they are the only one that has a kid that is on the outskirts of a clique or getting bad grades, or they are the only one with marriage issues. Or,  they are the only one who is not exactly feeling joy during this stage of life as they go to school, run an errand, and then go to the event of the night for their child, and then wake up and do it all over again. 

Just to hear somebody else say, “yeah me too” is so good for you. So, pick up the phone and call somebody, go for a walk, or get into a community group. For me, definitely one of my lifelines is a very consistent, Wednesday morning group of gals. Every time I show up, I hear at least one person share one thing where I say “ugh, me too.” 

Also, do realize how much people scatter during the middle school years. That community really gets to be tough. During the toddler years, the playdates and that sort of thing are pretty common, and then the elementary school events are pretty common and you are seeing the parents. In middle school, everybody just kind of scatters. This mostly happens because we are busy and everyone is getting on their different schedules so there is not as much consistency with seeing people and having authentic conversations. 

Step #3:

Next, I want to move on to what may sound really simple, but just trust me and try it. I think we all have probably heard of the philosophy that when there is a lot of clutter in your life you have a hard time thinking straight or it might affect you emotionally. I am a big believer in that. Right now, my house looks like this and is pretty picked up because I’m recording a YouTube video. But, if you were to take a walk with me, you would see that that area and the area upstairs and the area over there and behind me are driving me crazy. So, one thing that I do that works really well during those times, is if I am having a really intense week or even season, I grab a laundry basket and I put whichever piles are bothering me in it (just not your mail or you’ll forget to pay your bills). Pay attention to if your anxiety is rising because you keep walking by that darn pile. So, I put the piles into a laundry basket and if that is even not enough, I shove it into a closet where I am not going to see it.

I am telling you, sometimes I sit down at my desk with so much more clarity because the counters are cleared, the floors are cleared, and it doesn't have to take that long. Now, if your house is a total, I don’t want to say disaster, take a day off of work. I am actually on the verge of doing that because we have gotten rather behind on life. So that’s just a simple tip: organize your life in a really simple way and buy a couple more laundry baskets. 

Step #4:

Fourth, I love this one and think it is my favorite one, do the unconventional thing. What is it that you need right now? If you are physically exhausted, do you need a nap? If you work from home, take a nap. If you are in an actual workplace, take a mental health day or whatever. There is so much to be said for the physical aspect of getting a little bit of rest and what that can do for you. 

Another unconventional thing: skip something that you technically could go to. That can be a kid event. I actually just did that on Tuesday. I technically could have been at a performance and I just couldn’t get there. Like I said, we had recently travelled, we had a couple of sick kids, I was playing catchup from being gone, there was dirty laundry, and there was lots of homework to get caught up on. I just could not bring myself to go to this event. I technically could have, but I said no and it was rather amazing. Now, not all the time, but you know what moms? We are there for our children 99.9% of the time, so that 0.1% just skip it and see how you feel. And then of course socially, our default is always, “yes I am available”, therefore, yes. But sometimes, just say no and you don’t have to give a reason. So, do the unconventional thing. 

Step #5:

Lastly, I say, ask for help. Maybe not in the way you are thinking. I am thinking more in terms of, for example, right now we got an amazing coupon and are testing out meal delivery. Not the meal delivery that makes you cook, but the meal delivery that is 100% ready for you to eat. So, I am just trying it for a month and it has helped a lot. But, asking for help can look a lot of different ways. Yes, it might look the traditional way of asking a grandparent or somebody to come over and help. It also might look like hiring a house cleaner and trying it for a month or having that person come on the off week and try a little bit of picking up if you feel comfortable with that. 

Asking for help definitely, this is a non-negotiable, means training your children on how to help you. Middle schoolers have the capability to clean the toilet, to wash dishes, to load the dishwasher, and it’s important getting those rhythms into place. They are not going to get it right on the first time, it will take a couple weeks of training probably, they will probably flub it up, but get them going with as many things as you possibly can especially during your seasons of overwhelm. 

There are a number of other things, of course, that I could name. So, I have a feeling this is edition one of two, three, four, five or ten. But, those are my five tips for today. I do hope they help and if you like this video, please share it and definitely subscribe and ring the bell for future notifications.