5 Ways To Connect With Your Middle Schooler Amidst A Busy Schedule
I find it ironic that during the season our kids need such intentional parenting is when our lives are the most hectic.
The middle school stage is when they are going through soooo much.
Meanwhile, parental life gets increasingly busy during this particular time.
There are more extra curricular activities to attend; many moms go back to work or get a promotion accompanied by increased work demands; your family’s circle of friends and connections increase, adding more events to the calendar.
Your “to-do” list intensifies too as you keep up with the needs of each of your children’s teachers, coaches, music instructors, youth pastors, and friend groups.
Amidst all of this, you hear voices (like mine) saying, “Now, make sure you’re spending meaningful quality time with your tween or teen.” And you probably imagine a finger swag with that too, don’t you? (Hopefully you also notice a loving smile on my face as I say it.💜)
HOW? HOW CAN I SPEND QUALITY TIME IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS CHAOS?
I never claim to do anything perfectly. I will simply share 5 things that work well for our household:
1.Set a standing 1:1 time with your middle schooler, and stick to it.
Pick a time and activity, like going for ice cream immediately after school on Fridays. Or heading to lunch right after church on Sundays. This predictability will provide comfort over time as they know that a date is coming where they will be heard, share their frustrations or victories, and give you the dish on the latest friend situation.
2. Multi-task meaningfully.
You make time to talk to the other moms at the soccer game, right? What about “inviting” your middle schooler to the game to sit next to you...and even take a break and go for a 20 minute walk, just the two of you.
Or while you get ready to head to an event, ask them to pull up a chair up in the bathroom (yep) and hang out together. Have a chat while you put on your make-up or straighten your hair. (You never would have guessed quality time can be spent in the bathroom, did ya?)
3. Invite them along.
Going for a Saturday morning walk or run? Invite your tween or teen. Running errands? Ask them to come, and throw in a stop at their favorite chicken sandwich restaurant. Taking a one hour road trip where dad is driving? See if she wants to join you in the back row, just the two of you. Catch up, hear about why she loves the book or TV series she’s so into, let her show you the cool island she discovered on Google Maps.
4. Ask your child if there is a time of day they crave your attention.
Perhaps they need you just for 15 minutes to unload emotionally after school. Or they need more than a quick “goodnight” in the evening because they have a lot on their heart. Or maybe on the weekends they want you to stop the “to do” list for 30 minutes and go for a bike ride. I’ll bet there are certain times they really need you - and it’s not always for hours at a time. Figure out when that time is, and make a point to honor that.
5. Communicate a specific time and way you’ll connect on your busiest days.
On my super full days, I’ll often simply let my son know I’m thinking of him and tell him when a good time is for us to spend a moment together. I’ll say, “I’ll be done working at 4 and then I need to get your brother out the door to practice, but do you want to hang out with me while I do dinner prep?”
It sounds so simple, but it lets him know I’m thinking of him and want to be with him. He knows he’s not ignored and that if there’s anything on his heart or any cool thing he experienced that day, there’s going to be a time for him to share it with me.
Now of course we can’t spend the entirety of the middle school years living life this way. There has to be more to the relationship than these 5 little quickies. I’m just sharing them because I know the reality of a busy life.
But I also know that as a mom, you want more than anything for your child to be “ok.” And tweens and early teens want more than anything to know they are “seen” by you.
Life and full calendars may carry you away, but it doesn’t have to carry away your relationship with your middle schooler along with it. 😉 ❤️ Pick a few of these things that work for you, and I hope it strengthens your relationship with your middle schooler.