Middle School Parenting Tip: How To Stay Engaged With Your Child’s Heart

Remember your mini-library of baby and toddler books you had from birth through 5 years old? 

That parenting library tends to diminish significantly during the grade school years. We coast a bit during the elementary stage, short of situations where there is a unique set of circumstances going on like behavioral issues or special needs.

After all, the older our grade schooler gets, we’ve checked off quite a few boxes:

-We nourished them through the baby years, cuddled them, and got them potty trained.

-We’ve given them the safety talks about looking both ways before crossing the street and stranger danger.

-We’ve taught them how to tie their shoes, get themselves dressed, and bathe or shower. 

-We’ve trained them on the basics of chores and even how to pack their own lunch and snack.  

I’m not saying parenting is hands-off during this stage, by any means. It’s still a heck of a lot of work. 

But it’s the sweet spot of parenting. They play, friend time is generally drama-free, they have a minimal amount of homework, there are only a handful of activities to get them to.

Then middle school hits, and bam! The game changes. 

Stress enters their world as the intensity of school and extra-curricular activities pick up. More conflict arises at home, and relationship dynamics change. There is now friend drama, their bodies are changing, and hormones affect both their physical appearance and their emotional state. 

If I were to give one parenting tip in regard to this season it would be this, moms and dads: don’t coast. Don’t “check out” with your parenting. 

These years are some of the most transformative and important years of their lives, and they need you intentionally engaged. 

What does this mean? I can go a number of directions here, but this is what I’ll choose to say:

-It means you need to know where they’re at, emotionally, each week. Check in with them, find different ways to ask questions, find different times to ask questions, explore ways to get them to talk and share what’s going on in their lives. 

-It means continuing to educate yourself. Rebuild that library, parents. A solid start is my download “10 Must Have Resources for Parents: Edition 1.” Books and resources are out there, and educating yourself on what’s going on during these tween/teen years can be one of your best super powers right now. 

-Connect with them one-on-one. Yes, you as a parent. They may not ask for it. They may downright deny that they want it. But deep down they do. They need to feel seen and heard. They need to know they are wanted. 

-It means positive affirmation. Ensuring that the majority of your relationship isn’t just about getting homework done, scolding them for inappropriate behavior, and so forth. 

-It means still treating them like a kid. In certain senses. What I mean by this is not just treating them like a task masker that goes off to school, gets homework done, practices the piano, and gets chores done. Make sure their social and childlike needs for fun are met. 

I know you are busy. Which is one of the many reasons we coast in our parenting during this time. We convince ourselves that our child is fine and then let days and days go by without genuinely connecting with our child. 

Or letting hours pass on a weekend while they’re on a device. 

Or letting an entire month go by without planning anything that’s simply fun for them. 

Meanwhile, these tweens and teens are going through some hard core stuff, and they need you, mom. They need you, dad. 

So pull up your parenting boot straps, start listening to audio books on middle schoolers on your commute to work, and start to mentally plan ways to engage with your child each and every week.

See my article “5 Ways To Connect With Your Middle Schooler Amidst A Busy Schedule.” 

You won’t parent perfectly during this time, but you can parent intentionally. And I believe strongly that that’s what will help raise healthier teens and healthier families by staying involved precisely during these middle school years. 

By the way, follow me on Instagram, Pinterest, and YouTube for a consistent flow of ideas of how to put these practices into place. 😉